Chinese attitudes towards marriage is that the marriage is not only related to the husband and wife, but also involves the two sides of the family。 Chinese ancient marriage is intended to follow the “parents matchmaker”, namely marriage is arranged by parents, and children must obey their parents’ decision。 Bridegrooms and brides always didn’t know each other before their wedding, for they got married under their parents’ orders and by matchmakers’ help。 In the Chinese culture, women should be loyal to their husbands and their families。 However, in the American culture, women have the sufficient freedom to select the people who they want to get married to, and the parents of the United States will not interfere with their children's marriage。

4。1 The standard of spouse selection

Marriage is the combination of men and women, which is recognized by a certain society, and mate choice is an important part of the whole process of marriage。 Due to the different levels of development of Chinese and Western civilization, Confucianism and Christian thought, there is a significant difference in the degree of freedom of marriage between Chinese and western culture。 In the past, Chinese paid close attention to the economic condition and responsibility, while Americans were more concerned about the congeniality in life and spirit。 

For Chinese, the first factor to consider is the family’s background。 Secondly, the two families should be on the equal social status。 Then, the educational background should also be taken into consideration。 The last factor to think over is the person’s appearance and figures。 In the traditional Chinese society, there are lots of concerns and interference in marriage, especially in the choice of the degree of freedom and mate choice。 China emphasizes on the standard of the state and society, so free love and marriage is not the feudal ethics。 The conditions of ancient marriage accorded with feudal proprieties and were closely related with feudal ethic。 Therefore, “To arrange a match by parents’ order” and “on the matchmaker’s word” is the traditional way of selecting a mate, which has been popular for thousands of years。 If the men and women pledge to marry without the parental permission, the marriage will not be blessed。 Of course, "the words of a matchmaker" should also be essential。 In Chinese culture, no matchmaker marriage is not a complete marriage。 来*自-优=尔,论:文+网www.youerw.com

The marriage system and customs of ancient China have restricted people's pursuit of love。 Many couples even have no chance to meet with each other before the marriage, let alone love。 Just because this system does not respect the wishes of the parties, it has led to a lot of love tragedies。 Liang Shanbo and Zhu Yingtai known as the beautiful love story is the best example, which has been a household love story in China for more than 1000 years。 Love can surpass everything including death which is an eternal theme embodied in “Butterfly Love”。 Apart from them, LinDo in The Joy Luck Club also reflects the concept of marriage in ancient China。 

When Lindo was young, a matchmaker came to bring up a proposal of marriage and then she was forced to get married with a little boy who she had never met before。 After some training for household duties through her in-laws, they got married when she turned sixteen。 For Lindo, she completely lost the right to choose the man she would like to marry with。 The only thing she can do is to comply with their parents' decision。